Author Archives: singingherblues

About singingherblues

an enigmatic, introvert, inquisitive, inscrutable, intentionally isolated, poker-face, passive aggressive girl +newly graduate English teacher with an overdosed intercultural & multicultural competence

Stream of Consciousness

Supermassive Black Hole

Supermassive Black Hole

Ever wondered how an Insomniac deals with his insanity-like-ill-state..?

First beware of what it is, then how it penetrates into one’s soul…

Insomnia; the state of staying awake for no particular obvious reason for hours when one should actually be wandering in the realm of your night- dreams. Those ~unluckies~ who suffer from it realize by time that it’s better to get up from bed and engage in nocturnal activities, plan strategies of how to spend the night best, at the same time consuming the valuable energy one will be needing throughout the day. One is fully aware of that demoralizing fact, being drained of all of your hope of being sleepy again, all the same s/he knows the moment s/he puts her/his on the pillow, the database of thoughts will begin an action of transferring- but now being erased-  as if they were longing for that moment – to fill a mind which is emptied with great endeavours.

The collection of thoughts, they are the matters that are not resolved, conversations that are not made or made but full of blanks with which should have been filled, past events filled with regrets, future events that may end up in failure, or at best, may turn out to be fantastic – if lucky- fantasizing begins before ending up with a catastrophe! Those dreadful pillows, suck in your fears, worries, expectations, hopes and wishes and transform into a puffy-looking storage, power supply for the dreams to be seen, scripts to be written, dramas to be performed.. All it needs to be done is to attract the attention of the possessor of the head. Yet it doesn’t know that that being is ignorant of the pillow’s witty plans, s/he doesn’t fancy facing with those thoughts alone. So, it thinks s/he’s at war with him, that’s why it keeps plotting, plotting and plotting- boom making ‘em nightmares! Whereas, those who are in good terms with their sweet humps can as well negotiate with them to turn their thoughts into sweet dreams. The moment they put their heads on their pillows or in a few minute’s time, they can step into their fanciful realms. Spending the night in a whimsical state, daytime is awaiting them to be made the best of it. Unlike the unluckies, who are destined to book the room of the pleasant dreams for the daydreams, often occurring, almost sweeping one’s mind off the reality..  

Now you may either pity or sympathize but I’m afraid you’ll never ever fancy to experience it.

It’s a pleasure to know at least Shakespeare did; 

“O sleep, O gentle sleep, Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frightened thee..

That thou no more will weigh my eyelids down, And steep my senses in forgetfulness?” 

  

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A Journey of A Lifetime: The Umrah

Nowadays, it’s the midst of Ramadan, the holy month of the Islamic calendar in which Muslims try to achieve their spiritual zenith through the act of fasting. So, in the midst of my endeavours for attaining such an atmosphere, I recalled the latest time I had lived it to the utmost and realized how I easily tended to forget the intensity of the events, at the same time having longing for those unique moments deeply. It was the time we, as a family, had a Umrah at this semester break, which took place at the end of January and at the first few days of February. It lasted exactly 10 days, yet I can acknowledge that it was the best 10 days of my entire life of 19 years. It was such a journey no matter how many more days you add to it, it would still feel inadequate, as if you want to make it for a lifetime. That’s why it was so incredibly precious, maybe the very few times in your life when you get the true gist of “every moment counts, so try to make the best of it”. Image

Whoever I heard going there used to say the words can’t suffice to express the atmosphere there, it’s partly true but I’ll give it a try. To be honest, before going on this journey, I wasn’t super duper excited about it. I’m afraid it was due to my ignorance of the point of this journey. But luckily the environment, the events and having reduced the level of my insufficient knowledge helped me to be in such a mood. So the greatest source of excitement for me was that it was my first experience of abroad. Considering that I had been dying to step outside the borders of my country in one way or another, I couldn’t help being happier than ever to find the means of having a wish come true. In one moment when my excitement level was at the climax was when the plane was flying over Egypt, as I detected from my constant watch on the map on the digital screen. Yes, it was a night flight and I could see nothing but the lights of the objects which were indiscernible, but after all Egypt was the first country that I had wanted to visit during my struggles of going abroad. So my enthusiasm was insurmountable.

When it came to seeing to actual place, I remember my elders who visited there used to watch the channel broadcasting Kabah 7/24. Honestly, it wouldn’t mean much of a thing to me back then watching those people whirling around performing tawaf, I didn’t even know what that meant. But now I understood seeing with my own eyes, breathing the fresh air of sacredness, hearing the beautiful adhans(call for prayer) and recitations of Qur’an..it’s simply fascinating. Due to all of these reasons, I had much more taste in my prayers or my usual ibadah (the acts of worship). Some say there is some kind of energy attracting people there. It may be true because the moment you enter into the masjid, it’s hard to leave at the end of the day. It feels so natural just like it’s your home even though you share this same home with thousands of other people. All the differences among those people, their races, ages, nationalities, traditions, languages suddenly disappear and you become like brothers and sisters. This strange atmosphere also brings forth a positivism, peacefulness upon people. On the other hand, the malevolent nature of human-being such as looking down on others, aggressiveness, envying, hatred and so on, turns into some kind of benevolence. That’s when you realize the source of the bind connecting people, the love of their creator, the Almighty

In addition to that, I noticed that it’s somehow  easier to find people who seem to have found the genuine happiness there. In fact, I assume nothing in the world could give a sense of happiness equal to that other than being there. Of course some weep and tear themselves apart while pouring their hearts to God, but one sees the satisfaction in being so close to the sole creator. Another thing that caught my attention was,despite the obvious cultural differences, no one seems to care for them..what “the others” wear, how colorful they wear, how they look like, what they bring with them, whether one plays with his phone while the other prays or  another one rests on the carpet..or while she lifts up her hands to her head and the other she to her shoulder while starting salah.. Nothing matters! All is welcomed and the feeling of being welcome is just amazing.!!! That’s one of the reasons why it feels like home. Seeing that, it made me say I wish the perception of people in Turkey was like that, not only among believers but disbelievers too. The majority of the people are so ready to labelize and judge each other for the choices they make and interfere with other’s business that there is neither respect nor tolerance. 

To my surprise, I fell short of my expectations of using English as a means to communicate with people there, since as much as I imagined, people from various countries, carrying various cultures, speaking different languages are supposed to be combined with a might of a universal language, right? Nope, that was not the case. I should admit that it was thrilling, as a beginner of  Arabic, to be in a land where it’s spoken throughout. But even with that curiosity, I didn’t think  the most common communication language would be Arabic, no matter how international and multicultural the place gets. It’s as if English is regarded as an out-fashioned language (expect the recurring translations of road signs etc.) Yet that wasn’t all, also the people from other countries, chose to communicate in their own mother tongue as if the other person was understanding what they were talking about. Most of the times they would get so intense in explaining something that they hardly give a break so I would doubt whether they’re convinced I’m Arab, Indian, Pakistani, Indonesian or something like. The funny thing was, in one occasion I gave up from my attempts to speak English and responded in Turkish to an Arabic speaking person, and the person replied me back in English as if trying to restore my long-gone expectations. That truly made my day.

Jumping from this point to that point but I’m having a hard time to collect my thoughts, maybe because months had passed over it or owing to the reasons I had listed in my 1st post “A Writing About Writing”. Anyway, one of the most amazing trace the experience leaves upon you is that it makes you forget your all worldly concerns, the duties and problems left behind, the job, the studies or for me, the remaining two exams I left without learning their results. However, fortunately nothing reminded me of them or any other things. It’s just like going for a vacation to clear your mind, soothe and relax except that you’re not actually intending it to be a holiday.

Before sharing my final thoughts, I would like to state one thing that I had collected from my observations and adding to my future expectations. I had lived this life-changing & spiritually up-lifting experience with my family, as four people, no matter how many times we departed at our paths even in that environment due to our differing characteristics and various selection of choices. I’m also utterly thankful to Allah (Subḥānahu wa ta’āla) that I had the opportunity of having such an experience at such a young age and with my family. In the meantime, I cannot deny the fact that I had partly envied the happiness of the young couples, who came with their little children. Therefore, this circumstance resulted in me by taking care of dozens of children, spending playful time with them, giving sweets and so on. Suddenly, I turned out to be an overly-attached caretaker, a role I had given myself to seeing so many cuties. I had really hard time restricting myself to kidnap a few, especially those I’m well aware I could never have together lol.

If you, the reader, found yourself skimming this page at the hopes of finding valuable information about the journey itself, I won’t fail to supplicate you with so. To my foolishness, I hadn’t checked this extremely beneficial list of tips for a productive Umrah/Hajj, even though I bookmarked it long ago. So, it’s my advice to take heed of this. http://productivemuslim.com/tips-for-a-productive-hajj/
 
~May you have a productive journey with your beloved ones. 

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An Amazing Day at Tedxİhlas

Well, I’d like to start describing the day by pointing out a strange fact, which is I could not have experienced any of what I’m going to write soon. Fortunately, my common sense led me the right way the moment I decided to play truant from my Arabic course. It gives me creeps to think I would have missed the greater part of the conference, just kidding, how can I know what I would miss only if I haven’t experienced it at first hand?

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Yes,It was a TEDx event organized by “renowned” Ihlas College in Istanbul. I was a subscriber of the usual TED videos, a shameful one though for lately I do nothing but reading the titles of the videos missing the ‘ideas genuinely worth spreading’. Thanks to the magazines they put inside of our bags, I happened to learn what TED stands for: Technology, Entertainment, Design and ‘X’ is the sign that it’s an independently organized event, out of wherever the real videos are shot. I will not bore you with details, but one thing was interesting, that there should be no greeting, saying ‘hi,hello..’ in TED talks, you have to just dive into your speech immediately, however; this rule was broken by the sweetest anarchist ever,I’ll come to that 😉 A frank introduction to my description of the event is, I will not mention of the speakers who failed to grasp my attention, in fact they all did, but it was so that I wished they would carry on their conversation just somewhere else! 

So, the first ‘speaker worth mentioning’ Özgür Bolat is an incredibly successful person in education, and (yes,I’ll share that stupid detail but I’m unsatisfied for having not let it out!) he graduated from the same high school as me (a detail that can’t be found anywhere online). I’m not saying that because I’m proud for that or whatsoever, actually, it was just a stupid building with unbelievably few breathing livings who care about education, just as the schools he excellently described in his amazing talk. With a school without a single difference from a prison, so how come we can sustain the happiness of the children if we give them the wrong values to be proud of? The values like being accepted in society via a status, having excessive wealth etc. are not real causes of genuine happiness. He informed us with a strange fact, a lexicology of the word education, meaning to breathe out,where as the Turkish word for it means to bend, change the genes~ isn’t that too obvious? It inspired me even more although I have recently watched his same TED Talk in English. The grzeat idea I managed to get from the most popular speaker, The Wife of Turkish Prime Minister, was among her last few sentences, which was to raise beneficial people, just as the other word O. Sinanoğlu said there is no equivalent in English of these Turkish words. But simply I think her point was that the goal of education is not just to raise docs, engs, leaders or just people having a profession to make their own living. There is no extent to what they can achieve but what about morality? It’s not just about standing on your own feet in this world, but also helping others rose from the ground…

Because I follow the conference’s program, I will talk about the next amazing speakers,this time two of them in the stage, BUT I would like to save them for last, since they were THE BEST!
Of all the people with great ideas and dreams they were the most lively instance of having made their dreams come true. The fact they partly made my dream come true was surely what made it a marvelous presentation. They are known as TUK TUK Travels(ellers), two teachers from UK aiming to promote education all around the world, especially where it’s needed the most. They have that policy that is excellently modified, which keeps them going on their travel, that is “Every Child Matters,Everywhere.” Isn’t that just amazing? You give up from your own stable, comfortable life as a regular teacher and aspire to spread education to the 61 million children who are in substantial need of it. You find yourself at the far ends of the world, talking to the teachers  facing educational challenges and feed them with hope, for you’ll be the voice of them and seek for support while the leaders of the world turn a blind eye to all of these!!! I really hope, God willing, I can be part of something as such, holding hands to those children,cherishing as they cherish for they can find the means of being educated.They also shared an inspirational quote, striking a light in our hearts  with the idea that every single thing we do,however small it may seem also matters. 

“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.” Edmund Burke

There was this 1 hour lunch break but it was hard to pull myself together, couldn’t help but being over-inspired by the previous talk. Anyways, there was this famous cartoonist who tried to make us believe that the drawing was not much of a talent thing, which I found it awkward and resisted to confirm . However, he made a really good point, that even a spoken language sets boundaries in understanding other people, but drawing has no culture or whatsoever, it’s an universal language, you can connect anyone by it! Just as how he managed to propose her wife thanks to it lol.

Then there was this guy who is the rector of a university I hardly knew by the name, but surprisingly he had lots to tell, most of them being reliable facts not the statistics they mostly fool us with (I’m actually surprised at myself here, since I took a page-long note of what he said :O).What he  talked about was the importance of Entrepreneurship(had the conference been in English,I’d be happy to  finally pronounce the word correctly due to hearing too much!) in supporting the education as well as the development of the country. His speech was so motivating that at one moment I found myself considering to give a shot to be an entrepreneur, but I was devastated at the other moment when he confessed ‘university is too late for it’,as if I could be one haha.

In the continuum, there were two English teachers, guess they were the most theme/field related, having both outstanding ideas and practicing it in their classrooms. One was a Storysinger and the other Storyteller(the unruly speaker I mentioned earlier). I noticed some people during their talks who weren’t approving the ways they apply their ideas and I found them rather ‘not grasping the essence of the conference’. They just wanted to the break the tradition, to attract the students’ interest and most importantly they wished to touch their hearts and they proved that they made it real. 🙂 

At last, I want to share a quote of the speaker before the very last one. He was a man of thought, and he said the quotes of such men poets, authors, philosophers etc. are used by other people in their speech as if those sayings make up a dictionary that helps them complete their talks.It was not his exact words, but how I interpreted it,whatever.

My overall opinion of the whole event was that the theme “I Have a Dream (About Education)” was a little bit diverted by the appearance of some people unaware of the notion of education, they could perfectly fit in another conference, I cannot deny they made us have a nice time, but it was like “okay let’s watch someone who gives the real talk, and someone who does not” well I call it a ‘time-filler activities’.In the classroom, those activities are useful for the last few minutes.But the reality is this is a conference..Anyways to sum up the ideas, they were mostly realistic, touching upon countless flaws of the education system and how it dulls the imagination/wonder/creativity/fresh ideas of the young learners
As for my part and my friends’, as an audience,we were effective but when it comes to meeting with new people, we made it utmost three and done with that!
Anyways,that was another good old day with buddies.

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For further reference of TUK TUK Travels;
 you can just click.

Finally this is my dream; for further understanding you are kindly requested to contact me in person 😀

TEDx Dream

So, What’s your dream? 

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A Writing About Writing

Well,I have embarked writing this blog on this very day,having been waiting for so long and willing to start long before.Yet I guess I have also been in need of a stimulant,which appeared in the shape of a dear friend suggesting that I could do more than that.I can’t promise that for now,but I can’t oppose the idea.
What I like about writing a blog is that there are no rules binding you in your style of writing such as how organized it is,whether you draw an outline for it or you specified enough supports and opposing views for let’s say,an argument paper or you give sufficient evidence to make your claim dependable..such and such! I’m going to be dealing with no academic criteria and try to make this blog independent of these specific rules,however not too personal.
A drawback of my writing and most probably will occur too in this blog,is that I tend to forget roughly 70 percent of what I plan to write beforehand.Just as I depict a picture of what I’m  going to say before I begin a conversation with somebody(if it’s a high probability that I’m to speak with that person) and consequently fail to speak a great deal of what’s on my mind along with how I intend to lead the conversation,the same applies for my writings too.The awkward thing is when thoughts hurry into my head encouraging me to record them immediately,the moment I grasp the pen and commence delivering them to paper or to a blank page through keyboard,it doesn’t matter,those *seemingly fresh ideas* step back and leave me all alone except a few trivial ones left to be scribbled. The situation doesn’t change no matter how rapid I act hoping that I won’t lose them this time.Consequently, having learned a lesson from it, I don’t hurry anymore when a bright idea shows up,for it’s bound to run at a gallop sooner or later.
It’s not wrong to say that this disinclined me from producing something.Furthermore,it most definitely caused my writings to be worse for I rarely needed to use dictionary or translate before(maybe it’s because my vocabulary is lessening in amount,which is even more sadder).It didn’t used to take that long(as it is now,sometimes for hours) to reply a friend’s message/e-mail etc. too.I can’t make a good justification regarding the reason of it,but I’m not simply satisfied with it.Aha,there I found one of the reasons of my dissatisfaction, there used to be no one to review my writings and scrutinize them to determine the mark I will get.So, that led me to suppose I was so good at writing,*flying high above ground*,but when the reality struck me hard,the reality being the grading of my lecturer’s,I came to realization that they were not as good as I wished them to be,for surely my mistakes were overflowing and my language not so desirable in regards to others’.However,I haven’t lost my ability to seek for the most excellent as a perfectionist.I still show utmost care over my choice of vocabulary,thanks to a dear teacher who proved the power of words to us.I’m fairly careful to not to use simple words or inappropriate(to the context) and browse synonyms of the words instead.Also, however I can’t claim to be perfect at it, I try to form grammatically correct and complex sentences, without being in the aim of making the comprehension more demanding.
So,that’s the introductory paragraph of my writing journey,hope I’ll gain some readers who can bear with me till the end. 🙂


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